An old friend of yours texted me today. He was asking how we were doing and he also said that he deleted your contact info from his phone today and it struck him really hard. I know he didn’t mean it to but that really hit me hard also. I had just pulled into a parking lot when I read the text and I just sat there and cried. Poor Ben was in the back seat and he asked me what was wrong and I just told him “Mommy is just sad.”. He said “I know, I’m sorry mom. I love you.”
I know that is the progression as we all try to move on. So many people besides us still hurt and miss you terribly.
Me, on the other hand, I can not bring myself to delete your contact info. I saved all your messages and I listen to them from time to time. Your basket of things (keys, wallet, cufflinks, etc) is still on the second shelf of the buffet. Your clothes still hang in the closet. I can not see a time when I will ever be ready to move any of it but I know it will eventually come.
Here I am on a Saturday night just chilling in the house again. Weekends are tough. Maybe that’s why I try to plan stuff for them all the time. I miss our quick dinner dates at our favorite restaurants. We’d laugh because we would have my mom come watch the kids and we would go have dinner and most of the time we would be back to the house in an hour and a half. We would think that was so silly….that we should go find something else to do. But we always wanted to be back with the kids. I miss those quick dinners….
Remember that time we ate at Big Fish (one of our favorites) and there was a group of coworkers sitting in the bar area? They asked the waiter to take a big group pic of all of them, right near our table. Without skipping a beat we jumped up when they weren’t looking and photobombed their pic making crazy faces. They never even noticed. (I’m sure they did later, lol) I wish I had a copy of that pic. So much fun and goofiness that we shared.
We were so perfect together.