OK, I haven’t posted here in a long while. Ups and downs keep coming my way as expected. But I am learning as I go and one of the things I’ve learned is that I have choices. We all do. We can choose to be happy, sad, angry, elated….I’ve chosen each of those and more on occasion. Sometimes intensionally but mostly not.

This “twisted widow world” (coined by someone is an online widow/widower group I’m in) is a crazy ass rollercoaster ride. But it’s one I’m on….strapped in tight….arms and legs in the car (well, mostly). I can choose to be scared and sad or I can choose to ride it with less and less fear. It’s making me feel deeper. Notice more. My eyes are open wide.

Just heard a Tim McGraw song and the lyrics spoke to me…

I went sky diving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing, I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu….and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I’ve been denying….someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.

I’m going to choose to live….there’s not much more I can lose, right? We are not guaranteed anything in this crazy life. But I plan on focusing on the exhilarating part of the ride….the part where I realize how fearless I can be… I’m choosing to live.

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