Easter came and went. Another first holiday without you. I know there will be many more this year all cumulating to the big holiday that will be extremely hard for us at the end of the year. I dread that.
This year at our Easter Vigil service at church, we had Deacon Terry visit and give the sermon. Her sermon really hit home with me. I have been tossing and turning this blog post in my head ever since. She spoke of the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. People have often commented on why there had to be a full day between the crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus. Why didn’t our God just resurrect him right after he died? If he is that powerful and mighty, why did he wait? I think Deacon Terry hit it on the head with her explanation. It’s kind of the way things have been manifesting in my head about losing you. It’s all about contrast.
I know about how contrast can make an image speak to you more when you increase it in photography images. It makes things more poignant. The dark and depth in the shadows make the light parts of the image pop so much more. And sometimes, there is a lot of beauty in the shadows. You are more aware of the actual content of the image.
That one day that everyone, the disciples….all his followers, mourned the crucifixion and felt the deep sense of grief was for a reason. They needed to feel that ache and helplessness. Because then, when Jesus was resurrected, the wonder and awe of what had occurred was more amazing than they could have ever imagined.
This deep grief and ache I feel everyday will make any joyful moment in my future be that much more meaningful. I will know I need to stop and just take it all in. And I will. We are still living our better or worse, my darling. I love you and miss you.