9 Months


Wow…..it’s been 9 months already. The weather is starting to get colder and the closer it gets to December, they more anxious I feel. I haven’t written a blog post in a long time. It’s hard to come back to. I still feel the giant waves crash over me but they are further apart than they were before. But the waves do still take me down. I’m sure they always will.

So much has happened in the past 5 months. I know you have been watching and are so proud of us but it is crazy that you have not been a part of all that has happened. Emma being accepted into all the high schools she tested for, Emma’s 14th birthday, her 8th grade formal, the trip to Ohio, 4th of July in OBX, Ben’s 9th birthday, visiting California and Ben seeing a whale, Emma going to high school and auditioning for and making it into the musical….. and so very much more.

I think of you every single day. I miss you every single day. I still turn and imagine you coming through the garage door as I’m standing in the kitchen washing dishes, making dinner, whatever…. It’s like it is not 100% real for me yet. I KNOW it is but my heart doesn’t like to face it. I’ve gotten real good at replacing the bad thoughts with other thoughts. Tricking my brain and heart. It makes me feel crazy sometimes but it helps.

I talk to you all the time. I wish you could answer me. I know you can hear me.

I know all your family and friends are feeling it too….. They’re posting about little moments you touched their lives. I really love to see them talk about you and your kind, amazing ways. It makes me still feel connected to the life we had.

I still can’t believe the Ocean City trip we took with our dear friends was a year ago. We look so happy in the pictures. Being goofy and loving each other. I will cherish those memories forever.

I love you with all my heart.


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